The resurrection of

Peter Rabbit back in place after being rebuilt ... The previous man hours lost in ten minutes one February day by an arsonist ... This up in the NorthWest of England where I now spend some time in the seasons these days ... I am due to spend a long weekend up there soon. 

A day in the mix for myself. The more high end complete ready meals for one. The new menus on offer with the season. All in for an onslaught to get the home ready for space to haul out a slot in time The time to remove more shackles of the past that I don't have to look at by myself. The preps for loved ones to arrive to spend time together again. 

There are the times I prefer the lone grief to get to grips with. The other for others to be ruthless on my behalf when I rather not see. 

The summer celebrations

well under well including the fact it is now exactly half way between Christmas. My late Dads day, today. He liked that he had his greetings and gifts nicely apart over the year to look forward to in the annual times in occasions. 

The Housekeeper bore in telling family of my day to day to bring life up to scratch ... it rmninds people of much in valuing the small things. And making time to sort things including the photos I keep sharing that come back out of hiding. The stuff, stuffed in cupboards in boxes piled high to go through. It is only now I am really making more impact in my life. It will take time. The next countdown less than two weeks to get hands on to another fast operation to get the impact of life struggle removed. The part that angers me so. 

I will then get  to relook as to where I go from here. 

Back to humdrum

in repairs still not fixed communally in passing the buck at the ground level of staff in social housing ... I will check Monday to see if the communal repair report has been done or not ... I don't hold much hope. 

I have some photos though;  that seems to make no difference either!

The due process of 21 days for routine repair past. And an issue also reported in 2014 ... 

Daddy's day

and we are looking forward to the beginnings of another month when we will be together with the task  that is very mixed feelings in give today .... 

I am happy with what has been achieved. I an facing some darkness today, particularly after a night with thoughts disturbed by seeing others distraught ... 

I had a robust conversation generically about the events of the world in governance and failings in too easy to point a finger with those sharing the sun on a park bench. And those jumping on the band wagon to gain political points. I cannot print some of those thoughts. It is not correct in feelings ... I will probably never say as much ...They will go with me. 

The end line is the life we each lead. Mine even my dearest in dearest will not fully understand. They have let me be. They don't take offence in my occasional bluntness in their moans of life in change a little to put up with ... other tomes in times I stay silent ... 

This silence a part of life in life now ... 

I bet the reply will not

be the same  as my sister had to endure when I had no home ... This highlights in a big way of how we are treated when things happen out of control. There is no project management to assist once they shut up shop in day to night and weekends and holidays ... this beside being amid the way cut backs are ... 

These grief times in anger and bitter I so understand 

A break out

from the rituals of life bogs keeping me down. A little of the summertime breeze in a park filled with like minded Sun worshippers... 

An influx of different tastes in the shop up. The dish served up yesterday marinated in the usual better tasting second day dinner meal. 

Another interesting asylum themed as in psychological film watched. The mundane news aversion still in force a tad.  We were not built for high rise or fast machines ... The racing drivers wear all the gear as standard for fire balls and crashes ... 

We still do not wear such gear behind the wheel enclosed within the metal box when we drive ... Yet a sensible motorbike rider gears up ...We still do not wear parachutes ejector seats yet some pilots do. I suppose we would all be in a tangle ... 

The protection differing in hospitals, other work places to residential ... The highly toxic pollutants shift in time but still only emphasised last week in a fire safety induction in an acute setting. You will only have a certain amount of time to contain and rescue patients before these toxins kill ... 

... all or nothing ...

and a fascinating time in so much I will never be able to disclose. And ...yes still to this day bluntly  putting into perspective the life without basic needs and social contact to others when the life in carrying on can ring hollow for me in listening to others gripes ... 

an itty bitty time too. The catch up in functions that gets put aside when dealing with so much still to this day. 

and like many I have been denied of stuff too, from the way policies are hardened by those now in power. 

The deal out of history in eras never changing in the greed of money and power. The Robin Hoods, the highwaymen, the poverty, the tenements and poor housing, slums, the collection of taxes across time. The witch hunts and persecutions in new ways while we progress through the decades in Centuries ... 

The dreckly in a Kernow

town. A kitchen still being fitted. There is a start on the decor being painted. It is looking good. It is the peak time on a builders time. The juggling  of the outside jobs in the rains we had this week. 

Another kitchen where I have had a say in what the ideas will be. My family who know what they want. Though the guidelines on what colour or type of splash back will work!? There is an impressive array of decor being installed .... I am not at that juncture yet. And the homestead where once everything was good. 

After going to pot, the interest gets lost ... it is only more recently I have room plans being more constructive to alleviate the furniture land whilst clearing back the space .... 

Gross though the periodic

shift in process outside in ... the devices evolving over this period of process to recover much ... The technology established in the way I get those photos in a time line virtual ...

I have now been able to reunite a device with photos from that crucial timeline in tragedy and all. I aimed my camera to it to some to take photos at moments of the disgusting way we were treated. The  record of documentation to pass on to family to get so much dealt with when I could not look at it  ... it will be archived ...  that new feature coming on the platform at a crucial time in this gross pictorial record.

It is like my Mum who destroyed much when they didn't take the medical files of care recorded at home of Dads  ...

A tad of it was manually uploaded at the time ... when I was learning how to deal with these devices to pass onto to the relevancy at the time ...

The housekeeping and deleting virtual along with the reality ... 

The next ongoing phase to eliminate ... 

And the amazing photos too in the lucid moments I do not remember much ... Amd those shared in the wider circles of the milestones within life that carries on around. This when your own world sits in a stampede of surreal stillness within your viewpoint of in out. The cold freeze where everything is so different, cold and alien. 

The world imploded. It was not being able to do anything that I had become accustomed to. Absolutely out of my environment.... I belonged nowhere in the world at that point. There are many factors that scarred my whole being. I gritted my emotions to get through through the hurt and anger initially. And while I am appreciative of some of it. I have had to curb the thoughts of those precipitous times. And how the reactions of much through so much of human nature behaviour. I have forever silent thoughts about certain actions of certain people. A lot never spoken. 

A daughter, a sister, a Mum, a Dad some cousins and a young man who have been the only ones to get a timely glimpse of a tad of my truest sense of how I feel... and then only relevance to certain aspects of life, ill and death ... 

and one friend I made before I spent a lot of time in other problems begotten  .... 

The chuckles of

the last year in tidying back from time not bothered ... how it came to be in post hoard ... I had been so used to certain antics in adapting to not having the space It has been a long process on breaking the these new now old habits 

I have certainly felt the benefits of this slow change Today has been a terrific feeling despite some hollow rage within 

The quest to rip out and tip gets stronger over the seasons The quandaries on and into creating a little homestead or to travel about get clearer too Those times where time out and about were lost And a vocation came to a halt. 

I worked out my periods of time again on the last year is equating to lost holidays ... I am compelled to take on board the advice of the Volunteer services in doing bank work when prepared in repair ... it will suit this new personality tarred with disaster to not feel chained .. and so many people sing from the same hymn sheet in they are crying out for certain staff ... and my maturity will have benefits!  

A lot to get ready for it can still be too overwhelming... it can be difficult to get motivated or be bothered ... 

Only this week I have had to tell myself off, to get up and get on with the little tasks at least that are now seen to be formative in working a bit better in life all about and coming together in preparing a more organised time And I am seeing slightly better improvements on functioning that I am finding it better for the self esteem ... 

And just to commence somewhere each morning start,  on this ongoing remnants of time amiss in mess !!!???!!!