The Ice Queen

with a warmer heart of late ... Enjoying the creaks and groans of a home or not ... plenty of playing about from unknown ways... and the bloody New Year greetings so soon after the festive ones of those you don't know too, appearing in the in box  ...

The sparks and bangs all evening. A Happy Entertaining!gift sent to the kiddie. I am looking forward to a decadent delicious sundae in them on a next visit .... seeing she experiments in the kitchen like we do!!! 

The iconic times created; these happy holidays again .... in many firsts for a long await that came again ... And thanks to photo shops without dressing up and that, and  that rids the crinkles giving rise to many more laughs too ... 

Rather a lot to contend ...

with ... thankfully for once a beautiful time with family ... a delicious meal with a pud using the harvest of apples from the garden ... 

The light and shade of the sun shining yesterday

It was a real beaut of a view yesterday ... the clearest I have seen the distant moors of Bodmin in Kernow, since I have been back out of the hum drum of the dark folds of time lost awhile  

... A more settled ...

... time since that restlessness ... the soon to be, soon enough back in mode to retrieve and remove the dire life that still throws up surprises ... 

What I said I would, I did and now for the next batch of ToDos, in what I write and tick off mentally. 

The pace not necessarily as I would have preferred. That is the quandary. It looks like part time. The recuperate on the mind over matters take long to absorb in the interim ... without the  irrits .... setting in and bogging me down in a veil of invisible tires, heard it ... and don't want to hear those silly moans in mundane life when there can be worse that most do not always see ... the exposure to silly, silly and what triggers to learn in deal ... 

Although clutter does bog us down; in life without us necessarily realising it ... 

And the many not to return a simple smile ... 

The restlessness

in time out to have some time alone. I retired early again. The comprehensive time this December in the strive to get to do things once, as did a long while back ....again. Tis difficult. I have really strived on dropping the widow weeds and sought the seek in what I can do. I find it draining just being away from the environment, just as much like when I am in it ... 

The plans more tactile. I now have a physical clipbook (which I also purchased for a sister who loves organisational stationery.) The attempt to do what all those supporting me, bar the community mental health team gently sought to say in achieving goals still unobtainable in mind... by jotting what I want to achieve down in ink ... 

I never thought I see my handwriting like this with diagrams mood boards etc .... again ...

... The walk ... one Boxing Day ...

the woods and fields ...

In colours gold green and blue white 

A cosy up

today which is surreal seeing I have been where are lot are in unabated times for some seasons ... which like good times no one can take away ... 

That nastiness and spite when you are down on in the gutter. The homeless who get kicked punch and urinated on ... I have seen that side of life in our situation ....

It summons strength to forgive those who did that to us ! 

Blown out ...

in thy wind. It ''twas and is very blustery. The exposure to news and TV. The interesting facts relevant to us within the social care in health complaints system and falling through the cracks in what I have banged on about. The storm Barbara. The festive rush to get to the Christmas destinations to stuff more than the turkey .... or nut roast ...  

...

I couldn't care less ... the daily reminder my life is very much off kilter ... 

And no one listens ... to everyday things ... 

If one does not want to do ... it will not be ... 

And the gossip and Chinese whispers of marriages behind closed doors. 

The interesting facts of a marriage disintegrated.... 

Emotive

mix ... the adapting to different dynamics more poignant than ever ... plans further tone the year in remind of how does one get back on the line of life 

Now full

swing in Christmas thoughts ... the Scrooge sound off. The time does not ease the pain of the loss I experienced in the September and particularly now. 

One can never switch off with constant reminders in everyday life. I am sorely tainted. This time of year particularly poignant... 

Homeless in doorways ...this by a German Market in one of the UKs cities 

A sight in regular ...

Landlords ... the state of

housing in all spectrums much in context on this trip... accumulating things and mould, rising damp and much more. An influx of moans surround and some very apt ones.

The trips to get people out. The therapy most needed to counter balance soiling and lack of self care, in the environment in. Lotta conversations and observations in another time. 

The gumption to set up a charity to fill the gap in society beyond my grasps. The task overwhelming for anybody ...  but very much needed ... 

A expensive Christmas market in indulgent ... whilst much happening here too ... busking galore, begging and the sight of homelessness in the doorways wherever one resides ... 

Christmas Pressures

that are so unnecessary... but it happens and ... unless like us get the experience of loss at this time of year ... it will continue to be or see it behind the fuss for what it actually all is ... 

I have no Christmas tree this year for I will not be there .... I have still had other decs and treats in November, for now I experience the plans to continue on in this time with the kids leaving the nest the same time I became a widow ... 

The different tinge on this family and friend time with near and dear ... 

An ex con

a practice manager, a pharmacist and many others in much in the lust of glut in seasonal fare ... and people think I am mad !!!! 

Astounding

in that mad ... and that I am thankful for ... a family connecting the dots in slow from the implosive whiles ...

One that is constantly reminded by triggers this time of year ....