Celebratory time

in a week ... only today getting the final, final funeral details for another person, confirmed on a little card delivered in the post .... a buffet lunch before the service. It is tailored around those who travel far, as is with the family. Single flower stem requests and the requisite donation if so wish too. This Auntie like me hates dead flowers on a grave ... 

The usual celebration of a life rather than funeral ... I usually do single blooms for my hubby, either there or here in Memory .... I don't have time like some who regularly visit these places... I attend periodically ... the anger that I have in what is left for me to do still .... the stem often sits here .... rather than there ... 

The array of subjects

that blow through internally ... the fun banter with your child, with mother coming to pet and house sit for you. The time to completely have a rest. The food stocked up for me. The ease in meals so I can enjoy myself. 

Though first a road trip together, to pay our respects to another deceased uncle, down in the West Country, a stay with another cousin for a night and few meals  ... 

The storm within

stronger than out today ... my private rage today ... I would not be very good company today ... the time never heals this ... the way one copes the best ...  the triggers avoided until regulations to keep the ties of life good ... open them up to the root of raw  ... !!! 

Logistics in travels

... and ills and stills ... the photos of all, I am enjoying today. The few moving images too. I am loving the plan of a trip to Wales, whether it will be depends on logistics and moods. I have an unexpected trip in the West Country. The rest from that to stay local in my daughter's town, maybe on the cards now. 

Just the change will be a rest. The plans for them to help the removals to start the next phase in earnest. 

I cannot quite believe the breathe of life back in the abode. And the way I am with sentiments now. The breakages too many since with the squish and squash. And the donations will be easier too for further than the thrift shops. The look ahead to less of much... 

Awash with a glow ...

.... and the mix of memories... the look ahead to see whether I can gain an insight back in those forthcoming care roles. Albeit probably behind the scenes for now. We shall see. I am presently keeping in calming with working back and forth on some chunky big needles watching TV with some tactile crafting. The seed stitch which is one of my fav stitches to knit up. This started  from muddled times when I was attempting to reacquaint myself with the home pleasures before the next batch of bothers, that came our way. 

The exaltation of life beyond another's difficult struggles. The grief different, so different that I kept it to myself. I do not. nor do I miss a lot of the time of the complexity missing period of our life. It was beyond an hateful time. A time we saw the bad ass of non life. 

A lot that will never part from this distant mind within ... 

A mess in muddle

to semblance of organised chaos ... though again in wind down, for various activities to break up the monotony... 

The clash of appointments all coming along at once ... the shuffle in time. The manage of time a big challenge in keeping time to eat, dress, sleep ...the patterns in breakdown, a lot of us succumb when we struggle to face what most take for granted. And get all scoffy cos it has not happened to them ... 

The timely misunderstanding, misunderstood... 

Let alone the juggles in keeping those informed when schedules change. 

The support system think in avoidance, when actually the world you are in is unlike any other in the still of time .... it floats in a dimension unlike any other. A world now past in the scheme of things... to the world around and beyond the door  ...

.... though not for you ... stuck in a past ... out of sync with all around ... a place indescribable and a lot in our circumstances ...misrepresented by opinion, diagnosis and the science of getting the right person the first time!!! 

The Pace ...

...not a race ... the rhythms in time and space ... somewhere within the strive to fathom the muddle out 

the space appearing ...

some more ... 

... concluding the depths of some cupboards. The seeing the light in the work out of what I will use now. The streamline easing the mind. The cupboards working, not laying idle ...

When one is overwhelmed, breaking it down in manageable tasks is no mean feat. The grief awash with the tasks where it is a consistent battle where those who think I chose to live in that! 

It does not show the true spirit of Sally! 

The voice

that tells a story to kin. I seem sparkling again. The impeded time. The spring functions kick in automation. Every season getting less hindered. The gulls are making themselves aware, this time I'm writing. I could almost feel I am back in Kernow. 

The decisions to be made still. This not the easiest task to restore my ambiance...  'ere in the garden of dengland for now ... 

The plans to uproot everything including disturbing my hubby in restoring our once plans ... 

In the occupy of

drifting through times a muddle. The post blues of loss of nutrients exacerbating the mood ... The stop feeling maudlin by the attempted to settle in the plans. 

I feel strag..a..lee ... I have started to vacuum pack some items to take with me to my daughter's. I don't mind the condensed carry to see if they would like some things. They raise funds for her vocational place ... anyways ... 

We have recently had discussions about picking up the teacher training suspending until Feb this year when her Nana died. They were not supportive of the fact she was the next immediate of kin. Her Dad already passed before his Mum ... The uni had been brilliant until them in her many losses ... one key family member per uni year ... 

... even though she is getting well into adulthood herself ... she likes to bounce her thoughts off with us ...now just me ... 

Try, Try, and

try again in the angst thrown up 

I wonder if this is the final new coats, trousers and footwear I will come across in a scattered wardrobe from those who sifted through my abode ... 

I wondered what else still to see; before the capsule life is only what I require 

One had no privacy left ...