A certain politician flummoxed

in the figures ... it is forgotten how fluent and on the ball you need to be as a public figure ... How you carry yourself with all the 🎤 about. Behind everyone in a tone of life in public serving is a vast team of people and money spent doing so ...  All those leaflets printed to flutter up life in mountains of words as well as that paper, not even a scratch of what is involved in mounting campaigns. The miles circumnavigated, the vehicles splutter into the environment besides those word spouted, backtracked or fumbled over, the elbowing or pushing out the way of others for the self importance some have. 

I could not do the public speaking or the hilarity of jumping up and down on a bench at PM Question time. Though yes I can now deflect questions, after a few years of grounding in what happens when things go tragically wrong  ... I could be a behind the scenes researcher or adviser once upon a time  from my old self  ... I now have a little disdain still from what happened to us ... the respect I am trying to build back up of those in whose trust we put at time of ills and spills ... 

Hard task journalists versus Politicians

I often wonder where the vast domain of interests of a daughter, will lead. She was given many opportunities to find her way in the interests we get from trying out much .... she and we had the bane of the only child tag ... 

We all socially interact differently, in the world surrounds. We sent her out to drama groups to give the necessary skills of interacting in an environment and to quash her abundantly restlessness of inquisitive ways, you'd think it be easy with one child... it is harder work in some aspects ... there is no siblings like I have which brings a special understanding on so many different levels ... It gave her a different aspect along with the complex time with her Dad for all her scripts, filming that she had accessed too through different outlets at museums, college and the community etc ... 

She requested some of her film equipment that stayed here while she moved about each uni year ... for many reasons within a group of friends they stayed in halls for the duration of the first degree. Now in a more permanent base she wanted to pick up her filming again ... for which I am pleased ... she has a illustrious quality, that yes I am biased, of story telling, from script writing, stage direction to editing to the final piece ...  the sounding board we give each other for constructive comments ... 

She is fascinated like her deceased Dad with politics .... belonging to the youth councils through school led to much beyond those meetings. Youth polictics was one avenue ... the arts another ... leading to interview, debating, campaigning and public speaking techniques ... in both politics and story in narrative ... 

And belonging to the school signing choir .... and now teaching me Makaton basics too ...  and reversing the teachings of English from surpassing myself with her amazing knowledge in writings and story telling ... you'd never know she was once a mischievous monkey! A bit like her maternal Grandma the youngest twin siblings of her generation... 

Natures sound not of the

going to sleep with, or wake up to of those mechanical ways, one can buy to aid welling being . The true nature and feel of the cool air. The rain. The lightning and the thunderclaps. The storm that is happening right now at about 2am BST ... It is moving away in a swirly way  .. funny how you remember how  to tell the distance by counting between the lightning flash and the thunderbolt. Those now gone who taught you so much ... teachers in everyone besides your schooling .... though I have and had several Aunties who were school teachers! One later becoming a librarian at a Devon college .... 

Rethinking

of looking out for strangers luggage of fellow lone travellers when we need a pee! You can usually tell by the body language. I have along with others unfortunately been wary of certain times in travelling on public transport One particular coach journey when a load of people got on of the stereotyping in the media ... they had been drinking   ... that though was a quiet journey ... 

We are not allowed to consume alcohol or hot food onboard a coach  ...hot dinks can be boarded but with a safety lid ...  on trains you can get sloshed ... 

The varying degrees of the rules and regs stated from the various drivers over time on a coach ... the last trip back in April had the best driver yet. It was the Queens birthday so a joke of popping in for tea with Lizzie. And to enjoy and good luck for anyway coming to or running in the marathon!! 

The logic in life

and words a little in a mix today. Though we have had a challenging few days. I am thankful for a celebration this week on a very personal level. I gave no idea how I will mark the time. I will take it has it comes along in mood or mode! ... 

I might have a good bit of rump? Or a bit of a naked flame...

I have been getting my head round the home again .... The where was I? a fundamental feature in restoring a life within the walls. 

It had been another very interesting time in life outside the walls. The self scans at the nearest supermarket have so many glitches in the system it is beyond laughable. And the mark up in price from shelf to till is naughty too. The trade descriptions ! My late Mother in law worked on the deli in one of the big chain store brands for three decades. The changes within that time. One of which being trained up to cover the checkouts in later years. She originally selected the position because you didn't have to deal with the money side of it. They somehow found a loop hole in the original contract. And also the cover of the fish counter became part of it too. She was a well liked hard worker taking it in her stride, her only stance was the tills! 

No Nods

only to strangers ... one of many Doctors walking back from the bakers ... leave 'em to it. Down and up the other ways they would have got in a brief conversation... you know where you are by the dialect and friendlessness ... 

The logical within the local church movement too The leaders are moving . I wonder if that means those who fell out will come back? 

I have found often it is the unexpected qualities in movements that are most friendly... The wrap up in too much too of private quarters and doing too much to do actually assist in even a Hello outside the four walls of work or car ...

One by one ... of those in the community 

and it was thought I need assistance with social relationships ...I love the irony ! 

... the aroma of the past ...

... and that is the imaginary scent of the roses in the photos just by seeing them again, those from last year at the interment of the ashes of a key family member .... a journey yet again down the archives since one was widowed. I have been relocating those that get lost in time .... 

The before and after of the progress in new moments and a little before ... The time spent in allocating some space to house keep the amazing pictorial prompts, to aid a recovery of sorts. The logic in my thinking where so much happened in a condensed space of time. The only positive to that is to get a lot over with in life and death at the same time. With this time now the witness to some amazing sights and senses experienced in the making of where one is now. 

The steps trodden in many ways and forms. The before and after too of progress in life around and about in small doses. when most lucid.

I will never have the patience in the time crammed with still too much of the past in my domain, like some selective areas photographers pursue, I used to be so fascinated by, a long time ago now, pre widow time .... who photograph the same area at a certain time periodically to chart change, for example in many ways one use the art form in hobby or profession. 

SaveSaveSaveSave

Carefully what you see

a bit of cop humour and then the next clip of an inexplicable series of events unfolded ... the mayhem that tested beyond speech the efforts of the emergency services... 

... Where eventually the public assisted those who usually assist us ... 

Amazing few days in the reality of life on a ward, the unfolding scenes on a web clip ... the make up for those with facial disfiguring of what people call names ... or in fear of. My way round to a life again ...

The infection control team wander about the hospital. It is usual fathers who are particularly faddy. They heave up about things the doctors have given the all clear for. And more recently on a coach journey home. A father to be asking a lady to move her bag by the side on a seat, so his pregnant wife could sit in the disabled area too. Fair enough, then he swallowed up a lot of room and fidgeted about in front. He hogged two seats himself up front. A lady with a walking stick having to go farther down the coach to sit. Some are funny creatures when with their families, like a horse with blinkers. They do not see the whole picture of those too also in need ... or in the clear ... 

Contradictions

in all those support conversations... only to smooth a path to stop my vicious back lash ... you can never catch up ... there is the time in motion studies and Dads wisdom on life before I was faced with what was to come  ... 

My conflicts with those who do not let go. The denials. The impeded lifestyle lost on kin of. The quality of life destroyed to death. 

And now the cyber attacks will cause more ripples of deaths .... money, gold, oil, wars, possession over people. Now the bitcoin ransomware over the very core of our life as it is now for those not in the wilderness of life in ethos of eco or tribes etc ... 

Only this week I had a rant with my sister that ... throughout time those who lord it over... if it was not for the janitors, dustman and those who clear sewage they would be living in a pile of shit! In a whole life is for everyone ... we all play a part wherever we are in the hierarchical system that came to be ...  

All post trauma time

the years stretched across. I am now soaking the dust away that today's journey through a lot A time when making decisions on an online form of a Dementia buddy, Caring Companion or Skin camouflage or what I am doing ... 

I hope to find a vocation. I would have like to be in a town for this simmering time However I am going to a place in rehabilitation of working among professionals and the patients from all walks of life, while I get the gumption to dig deep in ideas and solutions .. 

The deep darks

to the flurries. The peak and troughs of time post traumatic. The life with a skip. The curl up and retreat .. 

One can say life and death is not dull 

Emotive illuminated

the days since I have been back from where I am more relaxed... The realisation the way in the agenda of a Project Mojo (and all the various nickmanes that I tend to give to it all) while I progress is in a crescendo period 

Another day in a supermarket restaurant if you can called it that these days ... for a lunch ...

A supermarket that had the restaurant with a good view the other end to where it currently looks out. I have seen many changes in this store, when I was out and about like second nature ... 

I am right. I view the world beyond differently. I have adjusted to more patience in some respects. And less time on wasting what cannot be changed ... or not worth the bother ... 

Another fling and sling. The logistics in planning for a daughter assisting to hurl some more. And then I will take it from there .... 

A clear and decorate to move or exchange which would be difficult ... I need a team of army personnel to move in one of the many trucks I see up and down the roads or an extreme 60 minute make over ... or a team of now non existent people ... I have many a time joked! 

Many ideas though the depressive lull in my creativity not there so much these days ... I tend not to ask like I can be bothered .... when I can execute my ideas logically 

The only trouble with where I live ... a skip would attract favours galore .... from the time when the ambulance was parked up outside my abode ... the repetitiveness of neighbours asking for advice with the medical personnel stating this was not the time or place ... 

My little haven ... for some time one dismal dark death day ... encased in an ambulance capsule ... the irony no one wanted me to see the way my husband was in his death pose .... !!!! In that unusual but not actually as unusual if anyone care to give more thought in as to why we collect. The collect to it may be useful some day culture situation, and making money from trash as seen in the media ... adding to the complexities of not coping while trying to hang on to what is past in reluctance to see that life changes as we get ill. 

Classic scenario my husband would still insist on three papers a day even though he was no longer reading or needing the one! That seems to stem from the time his father was a journalist. 

A daughter respects the no newspaper policy in thy home that reigns now! The impact lost on much along the way ... 

A Dream awoke

How it is to be .... the vivid detail ... the very essence of the conscious day is there in the wee hours