The Extra Day ...

lots to write out about ... To get inspired ...

Despite the sadness of a day celebrating the first leap year extra hours it gives, in the gift of the presence today of a life that once was here with us in our personal timeline as we all interweave in the fabric of life, death and beyond with our echoes of legacies ...  good, outstanding or bad and ugly ... 

Those chance meetings ... The twists and turns ... Of decisions made and unmade ...  Time unfolding and gone through each word ... As I pass through this post....  publish and them words floating in a time bubble, then left in a millisecond 

Yet Another Dawn ...

missing all has gone who was special to daughter ... The time line of special guests at our wedding through our life together and since death too... 

From just before her first birthday when maternal Great Nan passed way, but not before writing her last greetings card which happened to be the series of birthdays in February which our daughter the last of that month ... 

A lasting memory in a photo of four generations of the women in that particular family line ... My Maternal Nan, My Mum, Me , Our Daughter ... 

valentines through to birthdate

a special time once as a couple recalling our time on the impending birth of our child ... Over two decades ago now ... A male midwife ... A quiet labour room to a doctor being called in and needing an emergency C section ... Getting prepped for surgery with all these people appearing out the wood work ... A husband all kitted out in scrubs and wondering why he had to wear boots ... It soon became apparent ... 

more and more decisions are getting

sort of made ... still can go round in circles ... I get so absorbed and lost in time ... I am trying to focus on the good ... unfortunately the bad crops into the thoughts ... a slow suicide is what I have told to those I trust ... the blame game from those, in that local resolution meeting to deflect the lack of care ... and continuity ... well to list out my concerns is a task also to update and those files that cousin has too ... my cousin started the process at the appalling conditions he witnessed after learning of our circumstances ... Dad was in the middle of intense treatment at the time ... he stepped in and being the nearest at that time ... I picked it up last year  and however long it takes ... I will get something out of that doing nothing  ... 

Time Not To Think

... All wrapped up with good times and enwrapped and snuggled as can be ... Spring cleaned a bit too ... Sanded down a piece of furniture even just the feel of that makes it feel home is coming back ... 

To Tantalising The Senses ...

the senses are the most vulnerable to succumb to loss ... the many things I learnt .. to go out in the light after dark is overwhelming beyond words at times ... the taste of good food in a good environment ... Most importantly having the time to taste and digest the food ... the conflicts of being in and out; neither good where does one belong in the muddle or out in the muddle ... and ... neither understood ...  

Testing Times ...

limits passed time and again ...

for others time passed to a time they think is OK ... for me nope ... anytime it could happen ... spring is in the air ... I am constantly taken back to a more than bleak mid winters time ... 

But then ... 

Life was a bit of ...

a quagmire ...  today  ... or yesterday as it is now ... What goes around,  comes around ...  Is all I can say ...  Again a poem springs to mind ... But I have not been in the mood ... Or mode when such pain is stirred up ... 

Every time I pull out the home and there I am in the middle of this disarray I get bothered ... And the thing is I get panicky because of the way we were treated in the last days of hubby life ... That is a legacy that's hurts so much ... And how my family who have their own life ... Help me through it 

For Another Momentous Year ...

to be marred by clearing from a life long going now ... I might as well try and make the time the best I can ... I give thanks and appreciation to those who spend precious time, going through the various logs of these blogs, whether fleetingly or regularly ... so many of you have passed by in this short time, while I have charted a tiny piece of the lives we lead and intertwine ... wherever in this world  we are and as we continue day through day ... season through season. Whether we are near or far or the way the world evolves, giving us access to a more personal view in life as it happens sometimes ... that was once in a very different format of communication available to our ancestors... 

As I have embraced this electronic world that with thanks to those closest to me. I am able to get through a particular difficult stage of our life here. I hope that this helps in even the tiniest way; as I have been helped and comforted by all that surrounds me, despite the profound loss of a dear husband and the events that befell us ...