Twirling and a hurling

through this very night
the wit that came
twas too dark, at times to write
That hubby would get it
And know I twas alright
and would have a twinkle
in my wicked humour sprinkles

A difficult day to decision days

I have been restless ... I worked it off constructively... 

The wind down of one phase for the next in a life left tattered .... 

I now have the task of tidying up from the array of alladins cave to donate ... the clearing of a pattern of behaviour and the continued pattern of living post crisis ... 

That adjustment period ... I am re-emerging ... And it is noticed by even the newest member with my clothes and shoes ... I am morphing back into a style ... 

Spouse time ...

in those moments now not to be ...

lagoon blue seas

long past; not to see

now just thee ...

new destinations now I'm free ...

Will be filling up a battered old uni case

with bits and bobs for the new home ... And not mine ...

I am passing on a selection of DVDs ... I might drag this up myself or they will. This until the learners are experienced in this route ... we have been doing this since time in this started with various bits and bobs so as not in the landfill ... 

Hubby never did this route as planned ... He left us when his mind went blank... 

I could do with Harry Potters wand

... All the things to walk out and settle in its new home ... 

life supposedly don't  work like that ... As for time travel and all the other surreal things ... I joined a disenchanted world in this day just past ... 

For everything we create ...

... we require the undoing of it ...

Whether it is us ourselves; if our remains are still intact on death 

Or the home we create ... 

Unless again nature takes its course 

And again we rebuild ...

... This area in a lounge was obscured by a wall of boxes ...

 nearly ceiling high 

Light and shade in the black holes of this abode 2016 

... It is now down to mid height collating stash ... paperwork ... photos etc ... To a stranger to my circumstances it would look like I am about to move or do a craft or boot fair ... 

Off the chart today ...

... but who cares ...

... Shirty, sh***y, cursing mood ... Apparently cursing and laughing and crying are good for you ... 

I wonder when life became the way we now live in our pockets of land; who thought up these irritants ... with the good ... And the greedy ... 

Ruining the planet for petty things ... All of that seen with those stupid irritants after living with a tad of it ... building up in my way ...

The not being able to keep on top of it all ... For a time ... 

Still amazed at the transformation

... appeared and appearing ...

Despite the agitation of mess in the tidy, in the mess ...

In a home muddled after a series of unfortunate circumstances. All on top of one another from the initial spouse who died in tragic circumstances. After being ruthlessly cut off of heat and hot water access in complex circumstances ...

Who too was eventually not long prior to that death; diagnosed with OCD hoarding ... 

And with more contents coming into the home from the recent death of his Mum too .... This time at least just contents of one room minus the items we did not need to check ourselves for any sentimental things   ... 

That was done for us ... We donated the clothes and a chest of drawers to make it more like home ...  in the first instance ... to the home ... 

The continual change of ambiance ...

within the home in swiftly moving items and again from Tuesday to Wednesday last ... and virtually daily since ... 

The swiftness of organising the lastest bereavement ... And peeling back the layers from all back to the disorganised Central Heating upgrades... 

again making a mountain out of a mole hill in explanations on why it was not done when initially cleared and the property empty ... It would have been a lot easier ... 

The stuffed home ... certain items missing ... food stock ... Saving items before the clear ...the move to and fro the temp accommodation... with a replacement item that had the target of incineration ... and saved items ... coming back in with no room for them ... 

The move of a kitchen cupboard in an already overwhelming time of being left with a home dated and mouldy ... Those items were not touched by me ... They are still in that room ... 

The muddle of a time with a put back together thumb injury ... The flow of life still coming but not going as such in tandem with a dying Dad and a mother in law request of overseeing a home with cousin of another overwhelming problematical abode ... 

What One Sees...

... another does not see ...

The brutal reality of mental health ... Or understanding the dying process ...

Or even the legacy of life in ruins and collapse around you ... One died in the cold ... Another a few years later ...